My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
