Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
