Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
