smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
