I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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