i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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