dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she woke up with a sticky ear
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
