I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
