"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
