btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
