lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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