Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
