I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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