im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
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Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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