I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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