i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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