Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
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