We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
