Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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