I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
