If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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