I want to walk on stilts...naked
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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