thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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