You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
