i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
