This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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