Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
