Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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