Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
