He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
