Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
