Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who died my cat blue again?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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