Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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