okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
