they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
