i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize