I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
