I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
