My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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