So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
