i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
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Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
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So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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