What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
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