I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
