What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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