Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
