If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
