I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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