someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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