You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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