"it" just moved
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
