let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
