You can't special order awesome
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
did i walk over a car last night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
