I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Randomize
