this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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