It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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