So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
