So drunk, too bad you don't want this
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
