I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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