Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
