It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
