Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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