only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize