call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
